24. Coming out of the cave

Right, I’m back. Yes, I’ve been in my cave for a while, for various reasons, some of which I’ve shared and some you’ve yet to hear – ahhh the joys of the steroids – but as that’s an ongoing saga, I’ll save that one for now 😉

So, what’s bringing me out of my cave? A few things really.

Sense check

Whatever’s going on in my world, however bad things may seem, my mantra has always been that there’s always someone worse off. When we lost my brother, Simon, however heart-breaking and traumatic it was, we still had nine days with him in hospital; hoping he’d pull through, realising the reality of life if he did, coming to terms with the inevitable, having the opportunity to say goodbye, and being there by his side when he left us. For some reason, I always compared this to the Lockerbie terror attack, where relatives of the casualties had no such blessing – they lost their loved ones without warning, no time to process the tragedy and no chance to say goodbye. How awful must that have been?

Reality check

During this journey, I’ve connected on Insta with a guy in Hong Kong (@nictinwoth). Nic collapsed at work a few months back, due to lesions in his brain. He had surgery like me and his fight back has really inspired me. We chat regularly, compare experiences, remind each other what matters – the small steps that feel like triumphs – and pick each other up when we hit dark moments in caves etc. Over the weekend, Nic posted that his lesions are back and he’s back into surgery… It reminded me that the fight is never over, and we have to keep going…

Treatment check

Radiation finally kicked off this week. While brain surgery was intense, complicated and a complete head fuck, it was only ever the first stage in a long journey to beat this thing. It was also the bit over which I had zero control, least understanding, maximum side effects, highest risk, and constant change. So while my neurology and recovery from surgery is still being closely monitored, moving into the next stage of the journey feels like progress – I understand it from here, so I can process it, deal with it, influence it, and work at it. And write my game plan, at last! Yay, a spreadsheet! 🙂

So hopefully, subject to the ongoing steroid saga, we should see Boxy emerging from her cave, and back to the positivity, humour, crazy shit and more regular blog updates 🙂

My Ergotherapist told me this morning that cognitive rehabilitation is part of her remit too –  god damnit, I’m going back to school…?! Let’s hope it helps with the writers’ block…!

#BoxyOut