46. Know your limits Rebecca, then break them

I’ve been good

So my past couple of posts have felt much more like ‘me’, and that’s probably a true reflection on how I’ve been feeling lately. Over the past six months, cancer has wreaked havoc with my mind and my body, so when a friend told me they tend to disappear into their ‘cave’ when they felt screwed up, it resonated with me. I duly noted the analogy and subsequently used it when trying to describe how I was feeling – far more creative than just saying “shit” and less likely to embarrass any well-intentioned people who asked how I was doing.

But my cave has been pretty empty lately, and whilst it’s still a safe haven for me to fall back on, I’m venturing further afield these days and not wanting to hide so much, which is great 🙂

The flipside to being more adventurous is, of course, making an utter twat of yourself when you go beyond your limits and fall flat on your face. Like fighting with household gadgets; feeling the effects of your bike saddle; frequently bumping into things (usually after telling yourself, probably out loud, that you’ll clout your head on that one of these days…); or going into a state of sheer panic on hearing the ding-a-ling of an oncoming Dutch cyclist, who assumes you’ll just hop, skip or jump out of the way if they ring their bell (my instinct says run, my head now knows to engage legs, which then turn to jelly as they remember they can’t actually do that yet…).

Such entertainment usually generates a humourous angle for my blog updates. But when you’re feeling pretty good with things, where does the blog content come from? “Today, I got up, took my cocktail of tablets, felt great/ok/lousy [delete as appropriate] and went to hospital/shopping [again, delete as appropriate]…” or “In this week’s chemo, I had nausea/fatigue/hair loss/sore feet/spots/wine [insert issue and/or solutions here, medicinal or otherwise]…” Even if it’s true, it’s hardly engaging content.

So unlike last year, when the blog went quiet because I was hiding in my cave, this time I’ve been quiet because I’ve done nothing stupid, and therefore had nothing entertaining to write about.

OK, I haven’t been that good

So what do you do when you’re feeling adventurous and have a repetitive ability to forget or ignore your limitations?

Well. I’m currently in chemo and I have lung surgery and/or radiation to come in the next few months. I can now walk about 5km (with rest stops along the way), I can run about 5 paces before my legs turn to jelly (as proven by the Dutch cyclist and his bell), and I can jog on the spot for about 30 seconds. My heels are incredibly painful,  but I can’t take the anti-inflammatory meds to fix them (because my stomach is already taking a walloping from the chemo meds). And I’m not allowed to push myself yet (because I haven’t enough red / white blood cells to repair and rebuild muscle tissue).

So I’ve signed up for a 10k.

I’ve run 10ks before, but I’ve always had a pretty good base level of fitness on which to build. It’s just been a case of upping my game to have enough stamina to go the distance. But this time I’m starting from way back; I have to learn to run again, build up my strength and stamina, and I can’t start training until the summer.

Luckily, the run isn’t until February next year, so I’ll have about seven months to train. I reckon it’s doable – it’ll be hard, but it’s not worth sponsoring if it’s not a challenge, right? I’m not aiming for a time, I’ll just be happy to get round. Like Rocky, I just want to go the distance (expect plenty of Rocky-related quotes as I get into training!)

I’ve set up a Just Giving page for sponsorship (www.justgiving.com/buyabiggerbucket) with a target to raise £2000 for Cancer Research.

If anyone wants to donate, that’d be great – thank you. Otherwise, I’m sure there’ll be plenty to laugh at as I start training, so I’ll keep you posted!



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